Title: If You Lived Here
Author: Dana Sachs
Reading Recommendation: I wouldn’t rate this an exceptional read, but might be worth your read if you enjoy books set (at least partially) in other cultures or are interested in a novel with adoption as a central conflict.
My Reflection: If You Lived Here alternates between two narrators: Shelley Marino who runs a funeral home with her husband, and Xuan Mai, a Vietnamese-American who came to American as a teenager after a tragedy that she caused. Shelley’s deepest hope is to have a child, though she has been step-mom to her husband’s now-grown sons. She finally convinces her husband to adopt, but the Slovakian adoption falls through and they are offered a little boy from Viet Nam. But Martin Marino is a Viet Nam vet who never talks about his experiences there, and he refuses not only to adopt this little boy, but realized that he cannot raise another child, leading to the disintegration of Shelley and Martin’s marriage. Shelley hatches a plan to be able to adopt the little boy (Hai Au) despite her impending divorce, and in the process befriends Xuan Mai. Mai’s own story is interesting, and since the author doesn’t fill us in on all of the details of her past, I was hooked, wanting to find out how her niece had died, what Mai had to do with it, and how Mai ended up in America.
I was drawn to this novel because of the topic. I haven’t ever read a book that focuses on adoption, and it’s a topic that interests me, so I thought, why not read a novel about it? I was quite absorbed in the book for the first 1/2 to 2/3 of the narrative, but at some point after Shelley and Mai travel to Viet Nam together, the pace slowed and my interest waned, but I was so close to the end, I wanted to finish it. It did end happily, with everything resolved. I can’t say it was the most satisfying ending I’ve ever read, but it was at least believable despite its happiness. (does that last sentence scram cynical??)
Shelley’s husband expressed an interesting “philosophy” on parenting. When he tells her that he cannot adopt a child after all, he says that he has no more love/worry to give a child. “What is parenthood besides love and worry?” Granted, Martin’s extreme worry over his boys was influenced by his profession, but his comment struck me. As a mother, I find it very easy to give in to worry. While worry certainly comes along with parenting–or really, any relationship in which you find your heart walking around in another person’s body–it certainly shouldn’t characterize parenting. If anything, I’ve tried to consciously divert worry into appreciation–being thankful for every day and beautiful moment I’ve had with my family, and do my best not to “waste” any time. It is, indeed, precious.
